This has to be my favourite photo of my family. It is in fact the photo from mine and Wedding Day. Each pose shows a different personality and how different as individuals we actually are, there’s J hugging me, W in the front staring at the floor then we have baby H looking on. We all have huge smiles on our faces.
The wedding day for us was probably the very first that we did things in the way that suited us and worked for us.
Frankly, we could not afford a big wedding and if I am honest at all I don’t think I could have done what would be seen traditional as a wedding day. It is honestly my worst nightmare to be stood there with every single person with their eyes fixed on me. I would have ended up standing poor Phil up when I had no intention at all too.
We had a very small affirm where it was us the boys and my parents and in-laws. No one else was invited to the ceremony. In all honestly, I couldn’t even walk down the aisle with my dad and have the few people that were there watching me it was too much, so we all walked in together.
We then went to a place and had a meal. It was not a special book, and it was nothing major and special it was a carvery. We invited whoever wanted to come to the meal, but I will be honest that hardly anyone turned up.
It was clear that there were a lot of unhappy people who were not too happy with how we choose to have our wedding day. Don’t get me wrong there are parts of me at times who would love to have been able to manage to be able to have done the big wedding with the full celebrations and white dress.
You see there are a lot of things that I would love to do, but it’s not always and often rarely that I don’t actually want to do it really is that I can’t. I don’t want to struggle to do things and there are a lot of things I would love to be able to do one day like travel the world. It’s just a shame the anxiety stops me from being able to embark on these things.
I have tried many times over the years to be able to push past it, to do things that make me anxious anyway it doesn’t help me feel any less anxious sadly it doesn’t go away.
One day though I may make it to New York and do the food trucks or even renew my vows with that white dress maybe just maybe one day I can have a life that’s not fully controlled by anxiety.
For now, I cherish these kinds of photos the photos that show my family.
Comments